kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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