hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
