Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
