sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize