I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
