If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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