THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
