what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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