I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
