i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
