he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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