All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
