i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
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