I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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