I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
