Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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