hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
His nipple licking is glorious
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