I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
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