WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
