I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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