I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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