whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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