Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
We just shotgunned beers for America
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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