i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
