I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
