i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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