We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
her facebook's as public as her vagina
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
