He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
