Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I touched a dick in church today
Randomize
