I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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