You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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