dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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