I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize