I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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