I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
