I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Where is the hickey?
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
