I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Randomize
