I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
