Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
