Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Randomize
