we have pet lesbian snakes
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
