Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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