Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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