Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
