the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
