my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
