Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
