I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
