he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Someone came in the potted fern
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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