I never want to see another naked old woman again.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
