I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
