so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
