i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I had to cum in my sink.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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