I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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