I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
