Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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