what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Randomize
