nut hugger
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I think your dad took our porno
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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