I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
