Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
