Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
