She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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