so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
