I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
